2/6/2007

I have been feeling your presence a lot lately. For some reason, I've had this sudden rush of memories. Memories of happier times. I know I can't return to those times, but I know that one day, I will see you again and we'll have even happier times than before.

I keep your photograph by my computer, since that's where I am most when I'm home. Amanda took a picture of you and me and put it in a picture frame. I also have your work badge sitting right beside it. You know, it's funny because you were right on about what would happen there. If only they had listened to you, huh? =)

I haven't been up to see Jamie in a while. Mom said that they are considering him for early release, but they have to see that he's close with his family. Mom talks to him as often as she can afford to on the phone, and I know she just went up and visited him recently. Hopefully I'll get to go up and see him soon.

I wish I could get out of this funk I'm in. I feel like there's a wall placed in between me and where I'm meant to be, and I can't figure a way out. I do feel like God is trying to show me a way out, but I can't seem to find it.

I just keep holding on to the faith you taught me. If there's one thing I learned most from you, it was to keep on going, even when it seemed impossible. Dad, I never once saw you give up. When you had to quit something, I knew it was because you really weren't feeling good. I know I should have stepped up and been more helpful...and if I could go back and change that, you know that I would.

You worked so hard to provide for Mom and Jamie and Candi and me...and even Peanut :) I hope that one day, I can be just like you. There's nothing in this world I want more than to be able to be just like the best man in my life.

I am going to try to rest for a while. I've been having trouble sleeping lately because of the constant flow of memories and thoughts and stress. I know God is always here for me, and I know you're watching, too. I hope that I am making you proud, Dad. I hope that the choices I make from this point forward will be ones that you would approve of. And most of all, I hope that one day, my child will look up to me like I looked up (and still look up) to you.

I love you, Dad. =)

2/2/2007

I went up and visited Mom (and Grace and Suzi Q) yesterday. She was doing really good. They all were. The finances get a bit rough sometimes, but I know God will provide for her, just as He's been doing for me.

I found out that I get one more day of work next week. That will help a lot with the bills coming due. I'm still trying to find a job, but there's just not a lot available right now. I know that God will provide, though.

Amanda's great-grandmother isn't doing so well right now. She has been sick for quite a while, and now she is in the hospital. I'm getting ready to go over and sit with Amanda and make sure she's okay. She's never lost anyone close to her, except Susie from church. I know how hard it can be...so I want to make sure someone's there for her.

I will write you more in a little while. There's a lot of things that I have been thinking about, and I know you can help me. I also know that God is right here with me always, so I'm never alone. That helps tremendously. Thank you so much for everything you gave me while you were here. I will never forget that, and I will never forget you.

I love you, Dad. Always. And Forever. =)