Obviously, you know what's happened since then. My daughter is beautiful, amazing, and is the light of my life. When I walk in the door from work, she smiles and says "dada" and it's the best feeling in the world. Honestly, dad, without her, I don't know what I'd do.
This year has been terrible for me. I know Mom was ready to go be with you (tell her I said hi and I love her!). I wish that I could be there with both of you. I need you both really bad right now. I know it's not time for me to be with you because I've got a little girl of my own to raise first. I'm trying dad...I really am.
It's just that it seems like everyone keeps going home, and the more that go home, the less strength I have to keep going. It's not like I've lost my faith - in fact, my faith is stronger than ever. I may not act the way I should..but I know that God hears me and knows what I'm going through.
I'm grateful for everything you and mom taught me while you were here. I never imagined that I would be without my parents at 26. But I'm glad that I took in as much as I could from you both while you were here.
I'm not sure if I'm going to make it, Dad. I get so weak and just wanna go home...like I said, I'm trying...but I don't know how much more I can take. You both reminded me of how much I was loved. The more people that loved me that go home, the less I can take it.
How did you handle this? When your parents were both gone? I know you went awhile without them. But you were so close to your siblings and Mom's family too. I guess that would help. Candi and I have gotten a little closer since Mom died, but I can tell she is taking it just as hard as I am.
I'm sorry, I'm not trying to make this depressing. I am very happy for you and for mom that you are both no longer in pain. I'm not sure how all this works or if there's a processing line or something in heaven but if you haven't already you'll be seeing Aunt Linda soon. I'm sure it is a relief for her to no longer be in pain, but again, it's one more loss for our family.
I'm not sure how much more this family can take. You, mom, Linda, you were all rocks in this family. I feel like everything is fading away. I wish I had words to say to Sabrina and Michelle, but I'm still trying to deal with the loss of Mom and still you. Even if I know you're better off, that doesn't mean that I am better off. I guess it's a little selfish of me...okay, very selfish...but I'm just not sure what to do.
I'm trying to keep going..I need a lot of strength. I keep praying, but I feel so lonely. Even with everyone around me. I feel bad for Amanda, because she just doesn't have any idea what to do for me. I know she loves me and is trying, but she just doesn't know because she's never been through this. Although, even with as many times as I've been through this, I still don't know how to handle it.
I just want to be able to be okay for Kensley...I know she needs her dad alive and well for many, many years. I hope that happens.
I can't imagine what it was like when you saw Mom again after all this time. I picture it being like in the picture I have when you were younger. Yours was the greatest love story I've ever known, and now it has its happy ending. One day soon I'll be up there with you guys..save a place for me and ask God to give me some strength until I get there.
I love you!
